This phase of life feels very hard. It’s for the first time in the last nine months where Sharanya and I have departed in our parenting.
While she’s always trusted me with the reading and knowledge, (red light at night lowers cortisol levels), and me with her intuitive and playful connection – it’s only now where we’re finding it hard to meet each other.
In my attempt to become an active, attentive caregiver – I’m not being able to look at the toll it’s taking on our relationship. Mothers and women do so much visible and invisible work, as a man and partner I’m just struggling to see.
In all of this, I remind myself that I can only do my best. I can only show up and care in the best way I know. It may not be enough, may not meet a benchmark – it doesn’t matter.
But this assurance coexists, with fatigue and sleep deprivation and anxiety and a longing – to find time.
It’s all a bit hard and rough and all consuming.